What follows is a faux-letter I wrote to my dad while traveling from Berlin to Brussels last Sunday.

I'll be home in time to vote!
Dear Dad,
Don't worry, I'm coming home in time to vote. Remember how I said I would be happy to be in Europe during these past seven weeks, especially because I would miss the barrage of "My name is (blank), and I approved this message"? That was not to be, Dad. Everywhere I have been, my plain way of speaking, while hopefully eloquent, sets me apart as an American, and once that happens, it's all-election, all the time!

When I was in Norway, I met some very nice German travelers, all of whom asked me if I would be voting on November 2. They knew the EXACT date! After I told them that I was from Iowa, they asked why the Kerry-Bush race was so close, and if I thought Iowa would be a red state (god forbid) this election!

But it gets better, Dad! The nice Berliners have planned an Election Night party at the Potsdamer Platz CineStar movie theater, and it starts at 23:00--that's 11pm for us, and doesn't end until 6:00--6am! All for free U.S. election coverage! Incredible! They all seem so concerned that Bush might "win" again, and that it would be catastrophic for them, which might be the only evidence that ANY sort of trickle-down theory works!

When I was in Poland (that country that Kerry "forgot" during the second debate), someone at the hostel reception asked if I had heard that the New York Times endorsed Kerry, and they, too, used words like 'catastrophic' to describe Bush! What are the chances?!

When it comes right to the point, Dad, don't worry. I'll be home in time to vote. And I'll be voting against catastrophe.
Your son,
Brian