Dear Google Earth,

I effing hate you. You have made my already unbearable job feel so much more oppressive. I wish the IT team here would detect my unauthorized download of you and fire me, or at least remove you. You are the devil. As I sit at my desk today, "celebrating" my birthday, I can think only of the fact that one year ago, I spent this day in Paris. Thanks to your ridiculously good resolution, I can see the shadows of last year's adventures. Screw you. You are trying to kill me, inanimate program. Good lord, I need a bottle or six of wine.

Your adoring fan,

Brian