REPORT: 59 Million Americans Still Really F@#king Stupid as George W. Bush is Inaugurated for Second Term.

Iowa City, IA Coinciding with the second inauguration of George W. Bush, the University of Iowa Psychology Department released a study Thursday in cooperation with the Department of Public Health, indicating that at least 59 million Americans are below average in intellectual capacity. The study, involving both male and female subjects from all 50 states in various age groups, was conducted over a nine-month period following the 2004 Iowa Caucuses, the first official presidential contest of the primary season.

Professor Shaun Vecera stated that, "No matter how many ways we analized the data, 1-way ANOVA, 2-way ANOVA, aggregated statistics, you name it, we found that the overwhelming majority of Americans are surprisingly stupid." He then added, 'Well, I guess I knew it wasn't that surprising, what with all those sh@theads who voted for Bush."

Kerry supporters were shown to be overall more intelligent. Mark Russman, a researcher in the Spence Labs of Psychology, said, "While the average Kerry supporter showed, within the smallest margin of error possible, to be overall more intelligent, we found the best indication of intelligence of Kerry supporters to be geographic region. Iowans were the first in the nation to throw their support behind Kerry, which surprised many in light of the popularity of Howard Dean and John Edwards. Iowa democrats showed a smaller intelligence gap over Iowa republicans than those two categories in every other state." Russell quickly noted, "Except Wyoming...we couldn't find a democrat there."

Paul Windschitl, a professor of social psychology at Iowa, explained the sheep like following of support Kerry received after winning in Iowa. "Everyone is susceptible to blindly following the first option given when all choices are equally bad. In this case, the Democratic Party seems to have become nothing more than sheep with a really effing boring sheperd." Windschitl offered another possibility. "There's a famous case in social psychology of a woman's being murdered on a New York City street, screaming for help. While all apartments were full of people who reported hearing her cries, no one called police, and she ended up dead. I think that's what happened to MoveOn.org."

A press conference on the report ended with Professor Vecera's responding to a question about the overall message of the study. "I'd hate speculating, but since I have very good inferential statistics on this one, I'll explain why George W. Bush was somewhat re-elected. At least 59 million Americans are really f@#king stupid."