Being a movie snob, I would never dream of spoiling a surprise ending or secret in a film...but I'm going to make an exception. Those of you who have seen the commercials for Robert DeNiro's and Dakota Fanning's miraculous suspense-filled film, Hide and Seek, have no doubt heard that there's a surprise twist.

I'm going to give the secret away.




Lean closer.


A little closer..


All right, not that close, sicko.


Here's the secret: Hide and Seek is a terrible movie. Horrendous. Painful. Odious. Bad. Worse that a room full of Badgers, Buckeyes, and Hoosiers all doing the macarena naked. Oh yes, THAT bad. BAD.

And Sideways isn't all it's cracked up to be.

I feel better now.