Excerpts from my judgmental internal monologue: walking to class 23 February 2006



Ok, so what's up with this guy, eh? Long, straight hair in a ponytail, eh? I hope your mom likes your hair like that. Does she accept you like that because it secretly fulfills some of her fantasies she developed from years of reading trashy romance novels? Does she call you and as for Fabio? Oh, and you have on a fedora, eh? What the hell is wrong with you? You sir, are not over sixty, and more importantly, you are no Indiana Jones. I can tell because you have a ridiculous, brightly colored comic book character patch on your cheap, run-of-the-mill Jansport knockoff backpack. Dr. Jones would not be caught dead like that.

Speaking of not being caught dead like that, I have a sudden urge to shave off my beard by looking at your horrible facial hair. Wow, the comic character patch on your backpack covers more surface area. Creative shaving is one thing, but if you discover that you have a really patchy beard when you first try to grow one, shave it. Regularly. And what's with this long black leather trechcoat, eh? Are you aspiring to be that guy. I hope so, if for no other reason than you have achieved your objective. Man. I wonder what your major is. I'm guessing art--no, psychology, and I'll make the bold prediction that you are VERY interested in psychology. You're probably really interested in running tests on animals and humans to prove once and for all that despite all your rage, you are still just a rat in a cage. Take that, humanists, I can hear you say. I can hear you sitting around your apartment and carrying on pseudo-intellectual-philosophical conversations about the nature of things, or rather, you would have those conversations if you a)_had people who would talk to you or b) would stop playing Final Fantasy XX long enough to retain any resemblance of a social side. Oh, look at that, you just turned and started walking toward the psychology laboratory. Score one for me. (pause) Wow, I wonder if I was able to analyze that guy so well because of MY degree in psychology....