I made it to Florida. That's the good news. It's so bloody hot you can't believe it. That's the bad news. Seriously, yo, this is outrageous. I've spent the past three summers here and I still can't believe how ridiculous this is. I'd go so far to say this is asinine. Ludicrous. And all signs point to continued heat. And how. I walked around the Magic Kingdom today, following Stephanie with her Y.E.S. program kids. Here's the general breakdown of the event.

6:13 am: I wake up, grumble something about something or other.
7:00 am: I arrive at the Transportation and Ticket Center to meet the Y.E.S. people.
7:01 am: I realize it will be insanely hot for the rest of the day.
8:30 am: I ride Space Mountain with the lights on.
8:32:30 am: I clean pants from riding Space Mountain with the lights on (Seriously, it looks like a death trap in there)
9:01 am: Buzz Lightyear Space Ranger Spin. Always a good time.
9:08 am: Step off Buzz Lightyear into wall of painfully oppressive heat and humidity.
9:25 am: Delirious from heat, I stagger to Frontierland.
9:26 am: Delirious from heat, I am amused by 6th grader's "quarter trick"
10:15am: Delirious from heat, I push past the masses of incoming guests, against the grain, past the exit to monorail (you can do things like that when you aren't on vacation like everyone else.

As you can see, it was hot. Too hot. Unfairly hot. Weapons of mass heating hot. Global warming's evil, yet hotter sister.

For the past few days, I've been doing absolutely nothing (part and parcel of having absolutely no responsibility and recuperating from having my wisdom teeth yanked out). With nothing else to do, I've been able to think about some different things, and I've reached a few conclusions. First, and this comes especially from my having graduated, I've thought about the past few years a bit. I'm not necessarily looking to recapture "lost" youth, but I would like to go back to high school, knowing what I know after having graduated college, and tell a lot of teachers to "forcibly insert [insert ridiculous notion/activity here] into their anuses." Prescribed nonsense.

Along those same lines comes my second thought. I wouldn't last 30 seconds in the United States' armed forces. Now, those of you who know me should know that I would, under no circumstances, join the armed forces, but if I were forced to do so, it wouldn't be pretty. Imagine:

Drill Sergeant: Drop and give me 30.

Me: No, I don't think I will.

I've decided that I have a problem with authority (see point 1 above about what I'd like to say to former authorities). I think to make the blanket assertion that I have a problem with all authority would be wrong, so I'll qualify it. I have a problem with authorities that I perceive to be much less intelligent that I am. I have a problem with authorities that do things because that's how they've always been done. To borrow from Mary Poppins again, remember what Bert says. "They make cages in all shapes and sizes, you know. Bank shapes, some of them, carpets and all."